Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
oh god the rape fog is back!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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