are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
