Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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