i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
