dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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