True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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