guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
