i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
