so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
