i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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