I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
