Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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