She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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