Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sobbing to NWA
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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