I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I will die if light touches me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
