i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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