I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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