the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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