We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dick very happy bro
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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