i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
