I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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