in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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