make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
