Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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