mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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