FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
