No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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