3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
