you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
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its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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