Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
