I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
