drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
