If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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