i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize