Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?