neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.