Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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