were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
