K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
