i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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