Im at strip club and am horny
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
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ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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