discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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