that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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