ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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