Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
