i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
