i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
