See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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