Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
