Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
