She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
