i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
