My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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