I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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