I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize