Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
